I suppose what I'm getting at here, is that I would urge you to try your very hardest to view the act of sex in realistic terms. And having once been a teenaged boy full of curiosity but no experience at one point in my life, I know just how difficult that is to accomplish, but it's so important.
The last thing you want is to finally find yourself having sex with someone, and simultaneously thinking "oh my GOD it's finally happening! To put it bluntly, it can be pretty damn hard to find yourself having the kind of mindblowing sex you've seen in movies based on any number of factors, and you don't want to build it up for so long only to be let down due to unrealistic expectations.
Ultimately, there's a reason why humans have sex for reasons other than procreation - it feels good. But the 'good' spectrum is HUGE and ever-changing, so it's probably healthiest to bare that in mind. You're obviously smart, so I'm probably preaching to the choir, but I just thought I'd chime in to urge to bare that in mind. Sex is a downright fucking mystery at times. You can have sex with someone who you are insanely attracted to and for it to be lousy. You can have sex with someone you aren't really physically attracted to at all, only to become insanely attracted to them after sex because of the way it played out.
And a lot of the time, you can't put your finger on why that's the case. After reading my post back, it seems like I'm a bit negative about sex.
For the record, sex is great, but the expectations game is a tricky one, especially as someone who doesn't seem particularly interested in pursuing sexual encounters long-term and is simply looking to 'see what all the fuss is about' which is how I perceive your post, so please correct me if I'm wrong.
Essentially, just about everyone's 'first time' is pretty lousy, but eventually your hormones go crazy again and you find another sexual partner and try again - repeat as desired. But in your case, it doesn't seem like it's very likely that you'll be really interested in pursuing further sexual encounters with any sense of urgency after you have sex for the first time, so I just wanted you to 'not judge a book by its cover' so to speak.
Sorry for the very, very wordy post did I really just type all that to a stranger on the internet about sex? I'm not very good at being articulate. Without wanting to come off as a creep, feel free to PM me if you wanna talk more about this kinda stuff. Well, remember that with things like asexuality, it is a sliding scale. You may have little to no interest in sex, but want to try it still, for the experience especially because of how prominent in society it is.
Asexuality is down to how much desire for sexual intimacy you have. So you tell by knowing if you feel 'urges': First of all, consider the most important person in this specific situation. What do you like? How regularly do you like it? How confident do you feel talking to strangers? How do you go emotionally with people? How much money and time are you willing to invest? What do you actually want to get out of this? Overall I see the most sustainable relationships come from this but also the most schisms occurring from this.
Approach with care if you are thinking of asking someone out in this situation. Firstly, don't go to a bar intending to get some. It's dangerous in many ways and probably won't give you a good first experience. Meet someone there, go for a few dates and actually meet them. Take a wing-person or two or five with you as well for the initial meet, this should boost your confidence and scare off some of the creepier people.
I haven't seen many long term relationships arise from this however. Dating services aren't the only place to meet people online but they are one of the more common places. One of the advantages to online is that as long as you're careful unlike me online and offline can be kept separate and all you need to do is stop talking to someone for them effectively to stop existing.
Keep an open mind when interacting with everyone everywhere but also remember that online and offline are very different places. If you do meet someone online that interests you and decide to take it further be sure to bring someone with you for the first few meets. I have seen good relationships rise from online meets but most of them end before they get offline. If you're just looking for your first time to be good and have money then I would suggest going with a prostitute.
I know some people look down on this option, personally I haven't used the services of a prostitute but I have heard good things from people who have done it and great things from women who have done it for their first time. I should remind you that you shouldn't go there expecting any kind of two way emotional bond and if you do feel one it's likely that the prostitute is just trying to convince you to come back again.
Overall it comes down to what you want and what you feel comfortable with, be open and honest with both yourself and your prospective partner and always exercise caution. Online dating is meat shopping, your profile picture is glanced at by guys for less than a second and their decision is made, they way women look on those sites is everything, the world shouldn't work that way but it does. If so, diet and exercise will help you more than anything, gyms are a good place to meet like minded people too.
You need to consider the real possibility that you're mentally ill- undiagnosed and untreated mental illness is often noticed by its resultant social symptoms. It sounds like you're anxious and upset by this, and it's a significant part of your life.
Talk to your doctor about how you're feeling. You can get a referral to a psychologist, who can be great to talk to if you find a good one, and maybe even anxiolytic medication or something more specific to your case. At any rate, it begins with asking for help- and you've done a great job already by coming online and doing that. Now you need to take the scary step of going and asking for it in the real world, including asking for help from a doctor. In essence, it doesn't sound like 'sex' is the sole thing you're lacking or feel like you're lacking , and if you've made it to 30 without dealing with the underlying problem then it's time to call for help.
Social problems, like the ones you've identified, can often be an outward indicator of inner pain. Nobody is born so hideously ugly that they will never find love- but going through 30 odd years feeling that way would mess anybody up in the head.
You've got a long road to recovery and social normalcy ahead of you, and it's going to be tough. But it will NOT be solved by a prostitute, nor will it be solved by sex itself.
These issues you describe are symptoms of a greater cause, and you're unlikely to feel satisfied until you can learn to make yourself into a person who is both worthy of being loved, and who is mentally healthy enough to see that they're worthy of being loved.
You will be ok. You will get to the end of the tunnel. But you need to ask for the help from friends and family, and you need to ask yourself the difficult questions. Ask for the help, keep working on the problems, and don't be afraid of medication or psychologists. People can and do change all the time, and life is just a state of constant flux. You can start it all fluctuating in a positive direction- if you have the courage and commitment to start today. Sounds like u need to get to an rsl club, a karaoke night in Wynnum or something of that ilk and discover a thing called.
Schooners, u will do it. You may not find eternal happiness but you'll catch a few dates probably have a good time on a few and generally get your confidence up a bit. And I say this as someone who largey affable when required but much prefer my own company to any company at all. People offer you rewards for sex on the craigslist 'casual encounters' section, sometimes anyway thanks craigslist for helping me cover the rent many a time while I was at uni.
Check it out maybe? Yes, but you are more likely to not be attacked.. I don't quite understand what you are saying. However I can't really see how you could argue that going through an established business is generally a lot safer than asking a guy on CL for sex. You still don't get what I am saying. I am purely saying it is safer to go through a legitimate, established, registered business Beyond the picture, put some actual information about yourself that isn't completely vague and gives people conversation points.
If you list 'coffee' and 'wine' as hobbies because you drink 3 coffees from the corner shop a day, then go home and down 4, 6 dollar bottles of wine night, you are not a hobbyist. It's not pathetic at all. And there's certainly a lot of "relationships" that don't fit the typical boyfriend or girlfriend kind of model.
Heterosexual life partners, queer-platonic relationships It's a perfectly valid desire. Even if you don't identify as asexual or aromantic you might still find some acceptance in those communities. If it's truly just sex you want, then a prostitute might be great, but I get the feeling you want a connection beyond that. Parnell observes his experiments from the afterlife.
There's no race, it's not a competition and you should feel ok to do things at a pace that suits you. To meet potential partners, you might think about branching out a bit from what you're doing now. Find out what different things your friends are doing and ask to join in. There's heaps of cheap options - trivia comps, markets, exhibitions, gym and other fitness stuff etc. You sound like a nice person, I'm sure you'll find a nice person to spend time with if you branch out and try different things.
This may be way off the mark, but in my own experience? Give up on the quest. Once there, that which you once craved will literally turn up in droves. Go to a local friendly kink event. The Brisbane kink community is awesome, non-judgemental, non-pressurey, huge on consent, and talk quite openly about sex obvs. You might find something or someone you are totally into that you didn't expect. It is no different to getting a haircut — you can approach an escort to do business with them, but they will decide if they want to!
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